Top 10 characters for potential Microsoft mascot ensemble game

Between the 1980s and the mid-2000s, company mascots were “all the rage”. Outside of the gaming industry, companies like Kraft Foods used the Kool-Aid Man to advertise their products. You barely think of Mario without thinking of Nintendo. You don’t look at Sonic and not think SEGA, and vice versa. But the gaming industry does something unique with their character mascots. Occasionally, companies like the aforementioned Nintendo and SEGA create ensemble games like Super Smash Bros. or Sonic and SEGA: All Star Racing. They even occasionally cross over in slightly weird sports games (I’m looking at you Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games). You might be thinking, “But what does this have to do with Xbox and Microsoft? I mean this is a Microsoft focused site after all!” Well, dear reader, I’ll tell you. Where’s the Microsoft mascot ensemble game? (MMEG for short if you will.)

I’ve had my mind on this for a while. I spend way too many hours on the Xbox One subreddit for me to live a healthy lifestyle and I see that this question has popped up every now and again. I don’t know what type of game I would want this to be either. Kart racer? Fighter? Rhythm action game? (I love Persona 4: Dancing All Night.) All I know is that it’s only just got to the point where I feel Microsoft has enough characters to make this work and that’s why I’ve come up with this list of best characters for a Microsoft mascot ensemble game. Mmmm, just rolls off your tongue doesn’t it?

1. Blinx the Cat
Blinx: The Time Sweeper

Do you remember Blinx? Good, no one else does. Releasing in the end of 2002, and a sequel in 2004, Blinx was seen as a character who, at the time, could have been a mascot for the original Xbox. While the two games were seen as alright to pretty good critically, Blinx had that look about him. That look that screamed “I want to be like Crash Bandicoot, please for the love of God just give me a chance!” You may think that I’m adding him on this list just to be that guy who mentions the obscure character that nobody cares about anymore, but in fact Blinx has one aspect that would be interesting to tie into his gameplay, time manipulation.

How it would work? I dunno, ask a game designer. But Blinx’s main selling point was the manipulation of time. Blinx can rewind, fast forward, slow down, fast forward or even freeze time to a halt making him one of the more creative characters on this list. (Not that the rest are boring though, please, keep reading.) Blinx would feel comfortable inside the world of Quantum Break. If Microsoft could get the rights to Blinx it would be an amazing addition to its catalogue of characters. Although, Artoon are dead now so I don’t know how that deal would go down or who even owns the rights.

2. I.R.I.S and S.P.I.K.E
LocoCycle

Another kind of obscure character to kick start this list would be I.R.I.S and S.P.I.K.E from LocoCycle. Not exactly the first thing you think of when your mind drifts into the “Microsoft characters duking it out” realm but these characters were part of the Xbox One launch title, LocoCycle. Still a Microsoft exclusive, LocoCycle follows the Spanish-speaking Pablo as he gets dragged behind the back of a talking, Tron-style motorcycle called I.R.I.S, holding on for dear life. But what would make this chatty two-wheeled gal a competent edition to the team? Well, I.R.I.S (and her rival S.P.I.K.E) can fight. She can kick mucho ass with weirdly human-like (hand-to hand?) combat, missiles and machine guns. She is definitely a gal who could take, and deliver, a beating.

3. Master Chief, Agent Locke and Arbiter
Halo 5

Let’s face it, you all know who these guys are because you’re on a Microsoft-focused website. You were probably expecting them to be either first or last on this list but I like to think of myself as unpredictable. As much as you may not want to believe it, Halo is Xbox. Xbox is Halo. Out of all the characters that will be in this list, Master Chief is the true mascot of the Xbox name.

As a faceless hero who kicks ass and has saved the universe multiple times, Sierra 117 belongs on this list and so do his companions, Locke and Arbiter. I mean, imagine it, they’ve just announced an Xbox One mascot game and the biggest name in Xbox is not on there. You would be infuriated…or you would laugh your asses off in a mixture of real humor and a deep, welling sadness. Jameson Locke also needs to be here since he’s the new poster child for the Halo franchise and will most definitely be returning in future sequels. And Arbiter? I just really like Arbiter.

4. Marcus Fenix, Cole Train and Gears of War characters
Gears of War

Let’s bring in the muscle! Marcus Fenix is a big bag of pure testosterone who finds pleasure in shooting creators in the face and chainsawing his way out of giant worms. This giant mass of protein shakes would fit right in alongside the beefy Chief and Locke, as well as putting up a considerable fight. Also, imagine chainsawing Blinx the Cat in half. I would pay anything to see that. Worthy payback after all these years.

In all seriousness though, much like Chief, Fenix is who you think of when you think Xbox. Since the original launched in 2006, Gears has been one of the most successful Xbox exclusives to grace the machine thanks to its satisfying combat and intriguing story. Maybe you don’t like this hulking brute but he can kick some serious ass and that’s why he deserves a place on this list.

5. ‘Splosion Man and Ms. ‘Splosion Man
‘Splosion Man and Ms. ‘Splosion Man

Releasing on the Xbox 360 in 2009, ‘Splosion Man was a platformer that featured the extremely energetic character of the same name. A destructive radioactive force that turns scientists into steaks and has so much collateral damage the characters of Fast and Furious would ball up and cry. Seriously though.

Much like Blinx, ‘Splosion Man and his lovely lady Ms. ‘Splosion Man would be a great addition due to their uniqueness. While Chief, Fenix and the gang can shoot a gun, these two have the unique exploding mechanic that their games are designed around, allowing them to explode on any surface to propel themselves across the environment. Think of how cool that is! While the studio has gone independent, I’m sure Microsoft can still work something out with them.

6. Drew and Thuban
Scalebound

Alright, Scalebound isn’t out yet and we have no idea if it’s gonna be good yet. But do you wanna know what I do know? What we have seen of the game is so cool, it hurts my weak lil’ heart. The main character of Scalebound, Drew, not only has a cool design and an awesome bow and sword but he also has what no other character on this list has, a GIANT DRAGON!

While Master Chief has destroyed giant rings of death and Fenix has ripped open the multiple hearts of a giant worm, have any of them thought a giant, fire-breathing dragon? No! Not yet, anyways! Think of it, Drew comes in slashing away with his sword, Marcus Fenix comes in with his chainsaw, waving it about in Drew’s face and then Drew calls in Thuban. And Thuban comes in and bites off Fenix’s head. Oh, the bliss. It’s beautiful!

7. Nick Ramos
Dead Rising 3

The gimp suit, laser sword wielding protagonist of the third Dead Rising’game, Nick Ramos is a survivor. Will he survive against the onslaught of plasma grenades, motorbike Kung Fu, time freezing and dragon breath? I dunno, but he can make an Iron Man esque chest beam out of a microwave and a motorcycle engine and that’s pretty cool.

8. Joule and Mack
ReCore

Alright, I know this may be a bit too soon to talk about ReCore. I mean, we don’t even know much about the protagonist But, not only does she look cool, but that blue orb she has can seemingly turn any robotic husk into an ally. The character design and the possibilities are awesome and I would love for these characters to fight alongside I.R.I.S and Drew against the rest of the beefy man hulks.

9. Agent
Crackdown

The original Crackdown is one of the most memorable games on the Xbox 360, there was a sequel we don’t talk about and the upcoming threequel will hopefully be as amazing as I want it to be. The main star of the Crackdown series though? The orb-obsessed super soldier clone, when powered up, can kick just as much ass, if not more, than the Chief.

I always thought that the Crackdown Agent was a bigger, better, faster stronger version of what John 117 is supposed to be. He can leap buildings in a single bound, pick up and throw cars and even glide across the city like a flying squirrel. Suck it, John! No but serious, who would even win in that fight?

10. Phil Spencer
Team Xbox

Phil Spencer may be the greatest Xbox mascot. Forget about all the memes, that charming smile and an actual care for the Xbox brand, Phil Spencer has brought the Xbox One back from the evil clutches of Don Mattrick and has actually listened to the fans.

So how do we repay this shining beacon of hope in the gaming industry? We put him amongst the characters he loves and make them fight it out for all eternity. Who wouldn’t like to see Phil Spencer take on Master Chief or well, more realistically, a drained ‘Splosion Man in a game? I definitely want to.

And there you have it, my list of the greatest Xbox Mascots who I would like to see duke it out in a bloody mess of blood, guys, fire and explosions. If you have any ideas for characters you would like to see in an Xbox mascot game, tell us in the comments below and thank you very much for reading.