Top 10 sexiest video game characters

ICXM goes tabloid. We all have our favourite video game franchises. Series like The Elder Scrolls, Metal Gear Solid, Mass Effect, and Final Fantasy are beloved by millions, and often enjoy fans cross-franchise despite being completely dissimilar when it comes to actual gameplay.

In Metal Gear, you’re a tactical espionage legend on a stealth mission to save the world from global war. In Mass Effect, you’re a space marine armed to the teeth with future weapons to prevent a galactic holocaust. In Final Fantasy, you’re a questionably dressed guy or girl on a quest to do something completely ambiguous, but it probably involves saving the world.

The common theme? Saving the world? No, no, no my friends. The common theme is that all these games have sexy characters. Here is a run-down of 10 of the sexiest video game characters of all time, decided using the heavily scientific method of whatever came to mind.

Warning: There may be spoilers for really old games in this article.

10. Sniper Wolf

Hideo Kojima describes himself as being made of movies (70% in fact), and that is readily apparent if you look at Metal Gear Solid. The game takes cues from the incredibly sexy James Bond movie series, complete with high octane action, arse-clinging sneaking suits, and femme fatales.

Sniper Wolf is amongst the first of many super-sexy Metal Gear women. Sniper Wolf was part of FOXHOUND, an elite military unit originally tasked to bring down the nefarious Major Zero and his allies. As her name implies, Wolf was the group’s sniper specialist. Despite her razor-sharp cold-blooded professionalism, Wolf sports a sensitivity that far outweighs the efforts of most modern Triple A military shooters combined. Wolf suffered a harsh upbringing on the battle field, a direct protégé of Big Boss. Despite being surrounded by death and killing, Sniper Wolf managed to develop compassion and sympathy – she’s a lover of nature and wolves, she developed an affection for Otacon, and later implies to Snake that she abhors killing, simply waiting for someone to end her suffering.

Sniper Wolf is as beautiful as she is tragic. She’s on this list because, as Snake says, she’s wild, untamed and solitary, as well as compassionate, professional and generally badass.

9. Varric Tethras

Varric typifies the idiom big things come in small packages, but this badass dwarf doesn’t have a Napoleon complex. Varric made his debut in Bioware’s Dragon Age 2, introducing himself to Hawke by impaling a thief to a wall.

Varric is on this list for being industrious, resourceful, witty, charming, cocky, funny, skilled, and having an epic chest. He’s also the subject of an insurmountable collection of Tumblr erotica. He’s clearly got it.

8. Every sorceress in The Witcher series

Am I cheating with this entry? Maybe, but so are they. In The Witcher series, magic is passed down genetically, bestowing incredible power on those born with it. Women tend to have a greater affinity for the arts than men, and all mages usually enjoy really long lives.

Yennefer is around 90 years old. Triss Merigold and Keira Metz are rumoured to have quite a few decades on them as well. Then why do they look so… perfect? The Witcher mages are so powerful they use magic to appear young and virile. They’re sexy by design. No arguments here.

7. Tifa Lockhart

Final Fantasy 7 holds a special place in my heart, primarily for being the video game that elevated the medium from toy to passion for me. Tifa Lockhart is the subject of many ‘a dubious Rule 34 scrawling, but curvature aside, she’s sexy because she’s just, so nice.

Well despite Cloud’s shoddy friendship, she remains loyal, always seeing the good in him. She drops herself from the playable party to nurse Cloud after he becomes irradiated in the life stream, eventually helping him to overcome his self-loathing and denial. She works for AVALANCHE at her, an activist group trying to better the lives of the beleaguered citizens of the dystopic Midgar, wholly at her own expense.

She might be gorgeous, but I’ll wager it’s her gentle nature, compassion and loyalty that really does it for most guys (and so-inclined girls). As a bonus, she can beat up giant monsters with her fists.

6. Spartan Locke

Not a great deal is known about Spartan Locke, besides the fact he’s tasked to hunt down the (likely framed) Master Chief for treason. Frankly, Spartan Locke doesn’t need a great deal of justification to make this list besides being a faithful video game rendering of Mike Colter, complete with super human strength and endurance…

5. Sylvanas Windrunner

If power is sexy, then few on this list can boast as much as Sylvanas Windrunner. Sylvanas is the Banshee Queen, the leader of an entire nation who fell to the plague of undeath in Warcraft 3. The undead were intended to be slaves to the invading Burning Legion, but Sylvanas was amongst the first to break free and take charge of those unfortunate souls who fell before the evil Scourge.

Despite allying herself with the Horde, playable Forsaken characters know that they’re not truly welcome amongst the living. It’s implied throughout quests in World of Warcraft’s various expansions that all Sylvanas really cares about are her undead brethren, and her true intentions are never really known.

Sylvanas is sexy because she’s powerful, fierce and above all else mysterious. And hey, she scrubs up pretty well for someone who’s been dead for the past decade.

4. Shepard

Shepard is the main character of Mass Effect 1, 2 and 3, and is mega sexy for various reasons. Chief among those is super tight N7 body suits, but let’s side-line that for a minute.

Shepard is a high-tech space marine on a mission to rescue the galaxy from destruction, and despite all that pressure s/he handles it with cool determination.

Perhaps the most important aspect elevating Shepard to this extremely important internet list is that he/she can be tailored to your specifications. Red head with green eyes? Check. Renegade with no respect for authority, and gay? Check. Change Shepard’s orientation, race, personality, Mass Effect allows you to design your perfect space marine companion.

Although, regardless of how you build and develop Shepard, they’re always a terrible dancer.

3. Lara Croft

If my credibility hasn’t already been destroyed simply by writing this sort of article, it would be destroyed ever further if I didn’t include Lara Croft. Lara is somewhat of a video game sex icon. For many gamers of a certain age, the ‘nude’ cheat in Tomb Raider was the stuff of sticky adolescent dreams.

Lara’s low-poly breasts were the subject of much tabloid scrutiny back in the day, but Lara’s overcome far worse a situation in the games, often involving hungry wolves. The Lara of the 90’s was every comic book nerds fantasy, but the Lara of Rise of the Tomb Raider is a badass explorer that puts most modern protagonists to shame in terms of depth, passion and intellect.

Crystal Dynamics’ take on Lara Croft proves that Tomb Raider doesn’t belong in a museum. She’d be 10 times hotter with a Black Country accent though.

2. Snake

Metal Gear Solid has been confusing adolescent boys and inspiring the yaoi fanfics of nerdy girls since the 90’s with skin tight sneaking suit, naked BDSM torture scenes and various instances of implied homoeroticism. All this can be typified by Snake.

Both Solid Snake and Naked Snake (later known as Big Boss) are super soldiers who enjoy a legendary status amongst their peers. Being at the top in your field is sexy in of itself, but thanks to Hideo Kojima’s aversion to fully clothed characters, Snake can often be seen in various stages of undress. Dem muscles, dem scars, dem gruff David Hayter tones, it’s enough to convert even the most rugged southern baptist homophobe.

Beyond Snake’s obvious physical fortitude, both Solid Snake and Big Boss carry an endearing naivety led on by their own idealism. Big Boss was seduced and ultimately tricked by the equally sexy EVA in Metal Gear Solid 3, and Solid Snake well, his whole life is a bit of a lie. We’ll see the dark path before Big Boss’ in Metal Gear Solid V. We’ve already seen how Solid Snake’s ideals lead him on a (somewhat futile) global hunt for Metal Gear and various other weapons which enslave the planet.

Snake is pretty yummy but both characters remain mesmerising for their sheer strength and will to drive forward while everything around them crumbles. No matter your crisis, Snake would solve it with a tranquilizer dart and, well, dem big arms.

1. Cortana

I AM PANDERING! But really, Cortana is number one for legit reasons. She’s damn hot, for a hologram. She’s sassy and sarcastic, but never mean. She’s intelligent (well, she’s a super computer), but she never gloats. She’s wilful, helping the Master Chief overcome galactic threats on an epic scale. She’s passionate, transcending her virtual condition to fall in love with the Chief. What’s not to like?

What really earns Cortana place here is that she’s the only character on this list that has leapt from her video game roots, bringing her wit and intelligence to millions of Windows Phone users. From next month, you’ll be able to discuss Cortana’s hotness on Windows 10, and even on Xbox One later this year. She even has love for Android and iOS users.

Okay I admit it, I’m in love with my sexy Lumia 930. Don’t judge me.

Honorable Mentions

Miranda Lawson from Mass Effect 2 – dat ass, Auron from FF10 – such a huge… sword, Sephiroth from FF7 – do you have a thing for badboys?, Jill Valentine from Resident Evil – 90s rock, Morrigan from Dragon Age – clothing averse, the entire B&B Corps from Metal Gear Solid 4 – I like to live dangerously, Samus Aran from Super Metroid – first time I ever saw a girl in undies, Liara from Mass Effect – obviously, Geralt of Rivia – sucker for scars and… the Silent Hill nurses – pure kink.

Yeah I know your favourite guy or gal didn’t make this list, which is why you should write them down in the comments below, and hell, post pics! Keep them SFW though you pesky buggers.